interning full time seemed so appealing to me this time last year. or even last month. i had reasoned - thoroughly - that nothing could possibly suck the life out of me the way law school did. and, for the most part, i've been right. i still get excited every time i walk up the bus station steps and see pieces of downtown. i still am down right exuberant when i can meet people casually for dinner. and, most of all, i have very much appreciated the amount of sleep i have been getting1, since usually i'm on vacation mode when i'm in home state and thus have about 2.5 seconds to spend with everyone and about 0 seconds of shuteye.
however, there are things i am (much to my chagrin) actually missing. i miss the snarky law school student banter and the endless bitching and moaning about the absurdities of it all. i also wish there was someone else in the office with me to remind me that i will, in fact, survive this. because for some asinine reason, my boss has decided that i am ready to first chair a hearing. now, to you litigation types such a thing might be seen as quote en quote "fun." well, this policy-loving-tree-huggery-3L isn't necessarily down with that. and by "not necessarily" i mean i might puke (literally) at any given moment. today boss said the word "pleading" and i felt myself get faint.
i don't remember the transition from engineering school to engineering being this intimidating. maybe it was because the 23 year old in me still was blessed enough to have had some semblance of invincibility. sort of like a 2 year old learning to ski. they're not scared because their center of gravity is a foot off the ground. but wait for that 2 year old to be 28 and never have been on skis2 and then it's terrifying. i know it's a common theme in this blog, but i blame law school. i read this on a blog awhile back (fail for not remembering which one):
"[You will pass the bar]. You will. BarBri does this on purpose, just like the Marines do. They break you down and then build you back up so that, when you DO pass, you'll sing the praises of BarBri to every single person you've ever met in your life, including the cashier at Walmart."
that's what law school does, too. and i have to think that maybe that's what this job is doing? i mean, maybe if you nitpick every single thing i do then i will be so over-prepared that i will blow this hearing out of the water! and have swagger. yes, the swaggering attorney. but not in a drunk way.3
yes. i will go with that.
1yes. it happened. i have resigned to being 95 on the inside and requiring 8 hours a night. and i reserve the right to complain all day if this is in any way taken away from me - be it my fault or not.[↩] 2i know i know, it's so weird that i've never been skiing. well, let me tell you, that shit gets scarier every single year that i put it off. i can just see me in a class of 2 year olds falling on my face. maybe worth it if cole haan made skis?[↩] 3which would be way too cliche, right?[↩]