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so yeah.

time to face the truth - i'm not going to be updating regularly. despite my best efforts, it's becoming less and less realistic.

so, i will blog occasionally. when the little one is sleeping, i don't have extra work in front of me, and DH is occupied watching a tv show i can't stand or (more likely) engrossed with sports. (quick tangent, but i'm fascinated by people that seem to like every. single. sport. i don't even like the "good ones" all that much. i only like football because of tom brady and i only like hockey if there are big fights. but DH? he watches soccer. on purpose. shoot me. the only appeal that has for me is if/when little one decides to play. and that is 99% because of the adorable outfits and pint-sized players.)

so yeah.

anyway.

lots of cool things. some pretty s****y things. neither of which i can write about because this blog is not anonymous. at all.

so i shall digress into mom bloggeryhood, instead.

ladies and gentlemen, we have a SEVEN month old.

though i can't wrap my brain around that (probably because my brain has atrophied due to massive amounts of sleep deprivation), i have, despite my best efforts, become the very mom that i used to mock pre-baby. i have legit heard myself reciting the ABCs in a high-pitched falsetto in the middle of public places and have more-than-once casually brushed snot/poop/spit-up on my jeans without flinching. i find myself saying (in a non-sarcastic tone) that i have the. cutest. baby. in. the. world. and yesterday, when we got our first taste of separation anxiety and he cried when i left the house, my heart broke in half.

the past couple months have had their highs and lows. lows where i smacked his head into a light fixture and watched helplessly (right beside DH) as he casually rolled off the bed. also dealing with some dog-and-baby personnel issues that are going to require some dog-whisperer-like behaviorist advice. so...wish us luck.

but, as is true in life, for every perceived "down" there is almost certainly an "up."
this little guy, who used to be a tiny 8-pounder who couldn't make eye contact or hold his head up has suddenly become a little person with a larger-than-life personality. he is incredibly ticklish and laughs maniacally when i squeeze his side or blow on his neck. he loves that his crib mobile has a built-in light show and hates, with the fire of a thousand suns, being left alone is his playpen. he is thisclose to learning how to crawl (he gets up on all fours and just rocks back and forth vigorously in his cosleeper - so hard it shakes our bed, too!) and has now been putting together (what i perceive to be) full sentences of straight gibberish. it's wonderful. he snores in his sleep and prefers to fall into dreamland holding my hands. (i close my eyes and try to commit it all to memory so that when he's 16 and can't stand his mama, i can remember when it was us against the world.)

it's cliche, but so true - he changed everything in my life...for the better.

as is evident from my sporadic blog posts, i think it's fair to say that i have been battling with a bit of postpartum anxiety. not necessarily prescription worthy (jury is still out) - but it took me awhile to realize that just because i am not textbook "depressed" does not mean that everything is coming up roses, either. it's hard for me to stay present and not worry every waking minute. but even that seems to be getting better with time. i feel like i'm in a really good place. and maybe the ticket to sustaining that is to focus on the good stuff a lot. so, if wittiness has to be on the back burner for a bit, so be it.

obligatory photos in the next post. (well, at least in theory.)
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