Tales of a Tree-Hugging Attorney

today i got to do something i have wanted to do for forever.

JURY DUTY.

and here's the thing. i'm not even being sarcastic. i have always wanted to get called in to sit in on a juicy trial and make history. a tiny part of me realized that this was, shall we say, a wee bit unrealistic. if i was being honest with myself, i think i knew that my experience in court would be a little less law and order, and a little more judge judy. but you know what? i didn't care. bring it.

maybe it's because i'm a fake lawyer. and by "fake" - i mean i don't litigate. much to the chagrin of my loved ones, i have little (if any?) transferable skills. i have a very targeted practice area with limited real-world applicability. my sister-in-law had a traffic court question and i literally told her to hire a lawyer. it's kind of sad, really.

so maybe this is why i thought jury duty would be so &*$!#@ bada$$. i could see how the other half lives. because come on everyone knows that public defenders lead glamorous lives (note: heavy sarcasm here). i mean, i watched "raising the bar" on cable tv - and i feel like it can't be all that bad. what, with only 1 case a week and coworkers that look like zach morris from saved by the bell. people, there is a lot to be jealous of!

so, as juror #96, i hustled this morning (even though i was (and still am) fighting some sort of late-acting swine flu)) to get to the jury room. i willingly passed my germs on to my fellow cross sectioners and sat anxiously. what would my case be? mass murder?

several hours later i was hoping for even a trip and fall case.

hours after that? i would have settled for a vanilla speeding case.

after 8 hours of NEVER BEING CALLED? i was raging.

where was the excitement? the thrill? had i really just rubbed my nose raw with cheap municipal toilet paper just to be told to go home?

yes.

but the day was not without its lessons. namely that you don't want to get convicted of anything. ever. because the cross section of peers that you're constitutionally entitled to? is kind of scary.

guy behind me snored (literally) the entire time we were in the room.

girl to the left of me draped her nasty feet all over the chairs in front of her and picked at callouses.

guy in front of me (with a wedding ring) kept telling this (much!) younger girl how gorgeous her hair was. guy next to me listened to ICP so loudly that he might as well not have even bothered with the headphones. although i must admit that it gave me some satisfaction to hear this throughout the afternoon:

**** the west coast, and **** everybody on the east
Eat **** and die, or **** off at least

i hear ya, ICP. i now have 3 years until i can be called again. everyone else was rejoicing. i felt sad. good news is that i hope to move again in the next year or so - so my chances will renew.

anyone know if it's true that lawyers are basically automatically recused anyway? that would be heart breaking.